Archive for the 'Event Debrief' Category

Sorry I missed the party!

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

Hey all, just a quick note to say sorry I missed the Christmas party. It’s the first Shebeen Club meeting I’ve ever missed, but I was just too sick to go. Believe me, you’re glad I stayed home. At least Jeannie solved the mystery of why the Irish Heather is moving across the street: apparently an earthquake fault line runs right through the building! Yes, it certainly would be easier to enjoy a nice pint of something calming if you weren’t straddling the San Andreas Fault!

See you in January! I promise to be better by then.

Lorraine

Cry of the Phoenix podcast on Shebeen Club Radio!

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

Cry of the Phoenix

Here it is: our very first podcast! Recorded live at our November 20th meeting and edited to death since, this is the book launch party we threw for Colleen O’Connor’s new book Cry of the Phoenix, brought out by her brand-new publishing company, Cat’s Eye!

powered by ODEO

Recording and editing by Dale McGladdery

Teeny Ted from Turnip Town, the Text!

Monday, April 30th, 2007

Teeny Ted from Turnip Town

Click to enlarge: if only the actual book were so easy to read!

Here, ladies and gentlemen, with the permission of the publisher Robert Chaplin, is the entire text of the smallest book ever produced, Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. The book was produced in association with nanotechnologists Dr. Li Yang and Dr. Karen L. Kavanagh from Simon Fraser University, and is so small that when you look at the plain sheet of polished silicon on which it is carved, you cannot see anything but the scratches laid down by the point of a diamond so that the electron microscope can navigate. That is the huge rut in the image above; the finest scratch visible to the naked eye. The eye does not register this thirty-page book, even as a tiny speck. It is an invisibook, unless, that is, one happens to be carrying in one’s book bag a scanning electron microscope, which possibility we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are not prepared to deny on a categorical or any other basis.  We know our readers are a tricksy bunch, yo.

Teeny Ted from Turnip Town is a tale of triumph, a story of success. Ted grows the biggest turnip; Ted wins the Biggest Turnip contest.

Ah, if only life were that simple.

Chaplin points out, rightly, that we do not know the mysterious Ted’s back story; we don’t know if he poisoned the other turnips, if he’s obsessed with size because he’s so short, or if winning the prize won him the heart of his true love. Back story be damned! Ted grows the biggest turnip, Ted wins the contest.

End of story.

The book is available from the publisher (contact him here) in a limited edition of one hundred copies, for $20,000. As it can be read only by those who can afford to have a spare scanning electron microscope lying around, price should be no object.

Suggested additional reading: Leaf by Niggle, by JRR Tolkien.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Photos from Forbidden Words, July 18, 2006

Tuesday, August 1st, 2006

Thanks to Raj for being our contributing photographer for the evening. Remind me next time to hold the book up to my face when I’m reading so nobody can see all the chins.

Bangers and Mash

Great, now I’m hungry. This was the Bangers and Mash that the Irish Heather cooked up for us.

Listening intently. Listening with intent.

Zahid

Our featured speaker, Zahid Makhdoom.

Out the window

More attentive audience members. And a view to Blood Alley.

Who the hell is that?

No, seriously; I was dressed as a blogger. It was a COSTUME. Nobody ever, ever dresses this way normally. Like, ever.

I also need a chin-ectomy. Where is my Photoshop, dammit?

Â

The Kamikaze Manual, an excerpt

Thursday, July 20th, 2006

Referred to in our July 18 meeting

Crashing Bodily Into a Target is Not Easy

[The following appeared in the Guardian newspaper, reprinted from Kamikaze: Japan's Suicide Gods by Albert Axell and Hideaki Kase, published August 2002. I have corrected it to American usage. -- Dan Ford]

  • Click here for more about the Kamikaze
  • Click here for a review of Kamikaze: Japan’s Suicide Gods 
  • Transcend life and death. When you eliminate all thoughts about life and death, you will be able to totally disregard your earthly life. This will also enable you to concentrate your attention on eradicating the enemy with unwavering determination, meanwhile reinforcing your excellence in flight skills.

    Exert the best in yourself. Strike an enemy vessel that is either moored or at sea. Sink the enemy and thus pave the road for our people’s victory.

    Take a walk around the airfield. When you take this walk, be aware of your surroundings. This airstrip is the key to the success or failure of your mission. Devote all your attention to it. Look at the terrain. What are the characteristics of the ground? What are the length and width of the airstrip? In case you will take off at dusk, or early morning, or after sundown, what are the obstacles to be remembered: an electric pole, a tree, a house, a hill?

    How to pilot a fully dressed-up aircraft that you dearly love. Before taking off: You can envision your target firmly in your mind as you bring your plane to a standstill. Breathe deeply three times. Say in your mind: “Yah” [field], “Kyu” [ball], “Joh” [all right] as you breathe deeply. Proceed straight ahead on the airstrip. Otherwise you may damage the landing gears. [Updated: Click here for more about this translation.]

    Circle above the airstrip right after take-off. Do so at the minimum height of 200m. Circle at an angle within five degrees and keep your nose pointed downwards.

    Principles You Should Know

  • Keep your health in the very best condition. If you are not in top physical condition, you will not be able to achieve an ideal hit by tai-atari [body-crashing]. Just as you cannot fight well on an empty stomach, you cannot deftly manipulate the control stick if you are suffering from diarrhea, and cannot exert calm judgment if you are tormented by fever. Be always pure-hearted and cheerful.A loyal fighting man is a pure-hearted and filial son.

    Attain a high level of spiritual training. In order that you can exert the highest possible capability, you must prepare well your inner self. Some people say that spirit must come first before skill, but they are wrong. Spirit and skill are one. The two elements must be mastered together. Spirit supports skill and skill supports spirit.

  • Aborting Your Mission and Returning to Base 

    In the event of poor weather conditions when you cannot locate the target, or under other adverse circumstances, you may decide to return to base. Don’t be discouraged. Do not waste your life lightly. You should not be possessed by petty emotions. Think how you can best defend the motherland. Remember what the wing commander has told you. You should return to the base jovially and without remorse.

    When turning back and landing at the base. Discard the bomb at the area designated by the commanding officer. Fly in circles over the airfield. Observe conditions of the airstrip carefully. If you feel nervous, piss. Next, ascertain the direction of the wind and wind speed. Do you see any holes in the runway? Take three deep breaths.

    The Attack

    Single-plane attack. Upon sighting a target, remove the safety pin. Go full speed ahead towards the target. Dive! Surprise the enemy. Don’t let the enemy take time to counter your attack. Charge! Remember: the enemy may change course but be prepared for the enemy’s evasive action. Be alert and avoid enemy fighters and flak fire.

    Dive attack. This varies depending on the type of the aircraft. If you are approaching the enemy from a height of 6,000m, adjust your speed twice; or from a lower height of 4,000m, adjust speed once.

    When you begin your dive, you must harmonise the height at which you commence the final attack with your speed. Beware of over-speeding and a too-steep angle of dive that will make the controls harder to respond to your touch. But an angle of dive that is too small will result in reduced speed and not enough impact on crashing.

    Where to crash. Where should you aim? When diving and crashing on to a ship, aim for a point between the bridge tower and the smoke stacks. Entering the stack is also effective.

    Avoid hitting the bridge tower or a gun turret. In the case of an aircraft carrier, aim at the elevators. Or if that is difficult, hit the flight deck at the ship’s stern.

    For a low-altitude horizontal attack, aim at the middle of the vessel, slightly higher than the waterline. If that is difficult, in the case of an aircraft carrier, aim at the entrance to the aircraft hangar, or the bottom of the stack. For other vessels, aim close to the aft engine room.

    Just Before the Crash

    Your speed is at maximum. The plane tends to lift. But you can prevent this by pushing the elevator control forward sufficiently to allow for the increase in speed. Do your best. Push forward with all your might.You have lived for 20 years or more. You must exert your full might for the last time in your life. Exert supernatural strength.

    At the very moment of impact: do your best. Every deity and the spirits of your dead comrades are watching you intently. Just before the collision it is essential that you do not shut your eyes for a moment so as not to miss the target. Many have crashed into the targets with wide-open eyes. They will tell you what fun they had.

    You are now 30m from the target. You will sense that your speed has suddenly and abruptly increased. You feel that the speed has increased by a few thousand-fold. It is like a long shot in a movie suddenly turning into a close-up, and the scene expands in your face.

    The Moment of the Crash

    You are two or three meters from the target. You can see clearly the muzzles of the enemy’s guns. You feel that you are suddenly floating in the air. At that moment, you see your mother’s face. She is not smiling or crying. It is her usual face.

    All the happy memories. You won’t precisely remember them but they are like a dream or a fantasy. You are relaxed and a smile creases your face. The sweet atmosphere of your boyhood days returns.

    You view all that you experienced in your 20-odd years of life in rapid succession. But these things are not very clear.

    In any event, only delightful memories come back to you. You cannot see your own face at that moment. But because of a succession of pleasant memories flashing through your mind, you feel that you smiled at the last moment. You may nod then, or wonder what happened. You may even hear a final sound like the breaking of crystal. Then you are no more.

    Points to Remember When Making Your Last Dive

    Crashing bodily into a target is not easy. It causes the enemy great damage. Therefore the enemy will exert every means to avoid a hit.

    Suddenly, you may become confused. You are liable to make an error. But hold on to the unshakeable conviction to the last moment that you will sink the enemy ship.

    Remember when diving into the enemy to shout at the top of your lungs: “Hissatsu!” ["Sink without fail!"] At that moment, all the cherry blossoms at Yasukuni shrine in Tokyo will smile brightly at you.

    [Copyright 2002 by Albert Axell, the Guardian newspaper, and Daniel Ford]

    Shebeen Club note: I believe the copyright for the majority of this material actually belongs to the Japanese government, but am fearless about incurring their wrath. Cuz that’s how I roll.

    Debrief of Thundering Fundraiser and how to donate to TPaul

    Wednesday, June 21st, 2006

    It was a fabulous night; so fabulous, in fact, that I am now completely out of Bromoseltzer and had to self-medicate the hangover with fish & chips at the Ovaltine. I should, upon thinking it over, have had the chocolate milkshake and house burger (bacon, cheddar and mushroom) but oh well.

    Al Mader is a helluva showman, and quite a virtuoso of the washtub bass. His song/poems had us in stitches from the first “Sellin’ Crap on EBay,” although it really is expecting too much of a roomful of writers to ask them to join in on a chorus. It was like having the Easter Island tikis as your backup band.

    In any case, after tax and tip and the 50/50 draw, we hadn’t exactly morphed into T.Paul’s sugar daddy, so out I went and cried in my Martini with some well-off friends who promptly threw some twenties into the pot. Altogether we should have about $80 to give T.Paul once I’ve done the rounds again. I know lots of rich people with guilty consciences. :D

    Anyone wishing to donate directly to T.Paul can use the Paypal link Ru has set up here. She’s worked incredibly hard to help T.Paul out, and you can always see the latest upcoming benefits by checking her site.

    Will be sitting down and figuring out the next six months of Dead Literati Celeb themes to celebrate soon. Expect the announcement in a week or two, and in the meantime if you know anyone launching a book, celebrating a literary milestone (deal, etc) or who is just a fascinating practitioner of their particular branch of the world of words, drop me a line and maybe we can invite them to present to the Shebeen Club. Fame! Glory! Beer!Â